Even Chuckles Can't Beat These

And you thought your college drinking stories were hardcore...you ain't got anything on Europeans and colonials!

A Joke in Primetime



For those of you who didn't watch the Republican debate, in which Brownback was booed for supporting constitutional "protection of marriage" amendments and Guiliani was booed for his support of Gitmo because otherwise "we could only release these people into the streets of New York and Los Angeles" (?!!?!?!), it was pretty classic.

The last part of the video is spoofing Sean Hannity scrambling and eventually speaking against his own network when he saw poll results saying Ron Paul won the debate - Hannity claimed the poll must have been hacked, and did his own "scientific" survey of undecided "randomly chosen" voters that claimed his candidate won the debate instead.

Regardless, this video holds true without the specifics. Oh, and the bunny is supposed to be Kolmes (Faux's "liberal" commentator, AKA network punching bag).

A Modest Proposal

So lately, there's been a lot of chatter that the subprime mortgage crisis may lead the world economy to move away from a dollar standard toward the decidedly-more cyberpunk Euro or even yuan standards. There's no doubt that the war and massive debts being incurred by our government is deflating the value of a dollar both economically and as valued by other nations.

Many fiscal conservatives argue that this problem is due to the Federal Reserve, which is allowed to print money to maintain the economy; but printing money causes it to be less rare, which leads to inflation and thus devalues all money. They suggest we return to the Gold Standard, which was voted out in favor of fiat currency in the United States over 90 years ago, and with good reason. A gold standard demands that a person can change their money to gold, which ties our economy entirely to our ability as a nation to mine gold. Switching back to this standard would have disastrous limiting effects to our economy, particularly on the international circuit, both because we've sold much of our gold to China already, and because it would likely to cut the individual value of a dollar by 1/10th or more, screwing everyone.

But the idea of having a standard to limit inflation isn't necessarily a bad notion. The problem with the gold standard is gold's rarity, particularly in the States - so what if we used something that was much more common in the US, and even less so in other countries? And that's when it hit me - the Body Fat Standard.

Think about it! America is frequently noted as being the most obese nation in the world, especially compared to Europe and China, which are the ones giving us the most economic trouble. If we were to change the standard to body fat, we could reclaim our position as the world's economic leader. There are many advantages to the Body Fat Standard:

• It's a resource that's readily available - No trouble digging up fat here in the States!
  
• It restores the old order - as the fattest nation on Earth, Americans will also naturally be the wealthiest.
  
• It changes the paradigm of the "fat American" on its head - Like the days of the Renaissance, thick men and full figured women will be automatically understood to be better-fed and thus...better...than skinny people (take THAT, Etheopia!).
  
• It make lazy people produce - Self-employment can be considered sitting around stuffing your face all day.
  
• It removes the stigma of being overweight - Fat people will no longer have to provide lame excuses for their body weight such as being "big boned" - now, they can just say "I'm an entrepreneur."

So there you have it. All your Ron Paul supporters, I hope you're paying attention - THIS is the solution to America's economic woes.

That Explains What Happened to Him...

Remember back in the 2000, when John McCain seemed both moderate and sane? Ever wonder what the hell happened? I think I found the answer:

"I have a glass of ethanol every morning before breakfast, but I still don’t support the subsidies, and I don’t think we need them” - John McCain speaking in Dearborn, MI (link).

Geek pr0n FTW!!!!!



Who thought anything with Paris Hilton in it could be intentionally funny?

"You're gonna be...UNCOMFORTABLY ENERGETIC!"

Self Delusion - A Transcript.
For the uninitiated, "DDO," here, refers to Dungeons and Dragons Online, a massively multiplayer online (MMO) RPG.

(9:00:36 AM) Alex: you still playing DDO?
(9:00:43 AM) Chester99: yeah
(9:00:45 AM) Chester99: you?
(9:00:52 AM) Alex: yep, still not playing DDO
(9:01:06 AM) Chester99: sweet. how's that working out for you?
(9:01:10 AM) Alex: Great
(9:01:18 AM) Chester99: well keep it up then
(9:01:20 AM) Alex: I have lots of free time AND a healthy social life
(9:01:24 AM) Alex: good times
(9:01:34 AM) Chester99: you have a healthy social life?
(9:01:40 AM) Chester99: you have free time?
(9:01:51 AM) Alex: well, free time which I then spend working. But still.
(9:01:57 AM) Chester99: yeah...
(9:02:02 AM) Chester99: I'm onto your little game
(9:02:17 AM) Alex: And I suppose my social life isn't that healthy. But then, my friends are assholes and don't follow through whenever I make plans with them.
(9:02:27 AM) Alex: So, I'm really an overworked shut-in
(9:02:33 AM) Alex: but I'm still not playing DDO and feelin' fine about it
(9:02:38 AM) Chester99: at least you're now honest when called on it

It's Like Running My Home Game!

Lord of the Rings as a D&D game (this episode in particular reminded me of my home game)!

WWII as an RTS!

Reality Check!

Sometimes, the media gives me great pleasure. From CNN.com at 8 AM PST:

Picket-Line Counterinsurgency at Its Finest

Best. Album Concept. EVAR.

The music's not my style, but the album and track titles are the best in recent memory.

From the Archives...

...little Becky checks into some construction work at her school.

Sure, the girl in the clip is Irish, but she's got he right touch of evil to be my Becky. I suspect my darling wife, being a mistress of languages, may have chose to flee the Emerald Isle for the safety of the States following the tragedy, hiding her charming Irish lilt to protect her identity. I knew she was up to something.

An Intriguing Parallel

Mad TV has the occasional flash of brilliance. This is one of them. I never saw the comparisons until now.

Why Beloit Rocks

People sometimes ask me why I went to Beloit College in Wisconsin when I lived and always intended to live in Portland after graduation. The simple answer? Because we produce archeologists.

Yeah, no kiddin'. Plus the guy who inspired Indiana Jones, and the guy who played Indiana Jones, attended our school (even if only for a semester in the latter case).

Words Cannot Express...

...the awkwardness of this situation. I can only think of 2 responses: 1) I am SO glad I'm not dating anymore; and 2) the second rule of Blog Club is you do NOT BLOG ABOUT BLOG CLUB!

Thanks to The Genius for the link.

Alex Flagg - Testicular Revolutionary

OK, I admit I am posting this only because the title was a slam dunk. My friend Chester99 is a conversational terrorist, and big in every way - body, mind, humor, and particularly capacity for irritating others. So I fought back today in an IM conversation, and might have even won. The transcript follows:

(10:16:15 AM) Chester99: where do you stand on organ selling?
(10:16:26 AM) Alex: what's the context
(10:16:41 AM) Chester99: should it be legal to sell organs
(10:16:43 AM) Chester99: ie kidneys
(10:16:51 AM) Alex: well i need at least 1
(10:17:00 AM) Chester99: only if you intend to keep living
(10:17:03 AM) Alex: you looking for a spare?
(10:17:21 AM) Chester99: no, I tivo ER and they did a that for several episodes
(10:17:25 AM) Chester99: curious where you stood
(10:17:46 AM) Alex: i think it's pure desperation
(10:17:55 AM) Alex: I don't think I'd sell one in almost any situation
(10:17:59 AM) Alex: but never say never
(10:18:00 AM) Chester99: I've also been trying to get joe to cut his balls off and sell a kidney
(10:18:06 AM) Alex: lol
(10:18:09 AM) Alex: well my balls stay
(10:18:11 AM) Alex: no question
(10:18:15 AM) Chester99: oh yeah? why?
(10:18:18 AM) Alex: I need them
(10:18:21 AM) Chester99: for...?
(10:18:26 AM) Alex: plus my voice is high enuff as is
(10:18:32 AM) Chester99: you'll live longer
(10:18:33 AM) Alex: babies
(10:18:36 AM) Chester99: you can bank sperm
(10:18:41 AM) Alex: busting them
(10:18:50 AM) Alex: saying "I have balls"
(10:18:59 AM) Alex: because I want them
(10:19:00 AM) Chester99: say I gave you $50M to have them surgiclaly removed
(10:19:07 AM) Alex: say you had 50M
(10:19:14 AM) Chester99: it's purely hypothetical
(10:19:19 AM) Alex: sure
(10:19:22 AM) Chester99: 25?
(10:19:28 AM) Alex: but if you had 50 I'd probably have 40-45
(10:19:36 AM) Alex: so i don't need your paltry 5 M
(10:19:37 AM) Chester99: no, you'd still be poor
(10:19:40 AM) Alex: nope
(10:19:41 AM) Chester99: unless you sold your nuts
(10:19:45 AM) Chester99: at which point....
(10:19:50 AM) Alex: would you have sold your nuts then?
(10:19:56 AM) Alex: because how did you get so rich?
(10:20:01 AM) Chester99: I'm probably giving them away before too long anyway
(10:20:06 AM) Alex: I disbelieve
(10:20:09 AM) Chester99: so that's not at issue
(10:20:14 AM) Alex: oh but it is
(10:20:20 AM) Chester99: what I'm interested in is learning what the going rate is
(10:20:21 AM) Alex: why are you so rich and me so poor
(10:20:33 AM) Chester99: well alex, because I'm awesome
(10:20:33 AM) Alex: it's not fair, your hypothetical world
(10:20:35 AM) Chester99: we've talked about this before
(10:20:46 AM) Alex: well I'm keeping my nuts
(10:20:54 AM) Chester99: what about the kidney then?
(10:20:54 AM) Alex: just to spit in your rich face
(10:20:58 AM) Alex: keeping that too
(10:21:01 AM) Alex: purely out of spite
(10:21:02 AM) Chester99: 50M?
(10:21:14 AM) Alex: because there's such a split in society between rich and poor
(10:21:21 AM) Alex: and you are using your money to steal my organs
(10:21:54 AM) Alex: your hypothetical money is hypothetically tainted
(10:27:08 AM) Alex: (10:24:53 AM) Greensky: if you sell yours for 50 mill, could you buy someone elses for less maybe?
(10:24:58 AM) Alex: maybe
(10:25:03 AM) Alex: but I don't play that game with my balls
(10:25:24 AM) Greensky: yeah, no way I would go for that
(10:25:35 AM) Alex: plus, i'm fighting a class struggle at this point

Viva la revolucion!

Oh, Were I Brave Enough to Send this Email.

Quite a way to quit. Better file that one away for a future last day of work.

Bow cha-cha WOW WOW
Well, I've decided to suddenly change career paths, to something both more profitable, more fame-inducing, and certainly more enjoyable. That's right, dear reader, I'm joining the ranks of adult entertainment, and I owe it all to this one little conversation between a college friend (quyetX) and an associate. I quote:

"Probably Someone: I've been thinking of running something, myself.
Probably Someone: I've been noticing a marked lack of D&D in my life.
quyetX: hah
Probably Someone: Could I be so typical? Yes.
quyetX: if you're going to run a d20 game, run star wars
Probably Someone: I did manage to drag along my Oriental Adventures book, so that might prove interesting.
Probably Someone: Or Spycraft. No one knows Spycraft.
Probably Someone: Nah, see, I don't have the Star Wars books.
quyetX: heh, one of my friends from college writes for spy craft
Probably Someone: I do, however, have Alternity. And no one knows Alternity, either.
Probably Someone: ...S/he does?
quyetX: yup
quyetX: Alex Flagg
Probably Someone: Looks like a porn name."

So my career path is set. See you in the pictures!