A Modest Proposal
So lately, there's been a lot of chatter that the subprime mortgage crisis may lead the world economy to move away from a dollar standard toward the decidedly-more cyberpunk Euro or even yuan standards. There's no doubt that the war and massive debts being incurred by our government is deflating the value of a dollar both economically and as valued by other nations.
Many fiscal conservatives argue that this problem is due to the Federal Reserve, which is allowed to print money to maintain the economy; but printing money causes it to be less rare, which leads to inflation and thus devalues all money. They suggest we return to the Gold Standard, which was voted out in favor of fiat currency in the United States over 90 years ago, and with good reason. A gold standard demands that a person can change their money to gold, which ties our economy entirely to our ability as a nation to mine gold. Switching back to this standard would have disastrous limiting effects to our economy, particularly on the international circuit, both because we've sold much of our gold to China already, and because it would likely to cut the individual value of a dollar by 1/10th or more, screwing everyone.
But the idea of having a standard to limit inflation isn't necessarily a bad notion. The problem with the gold standard is gold's rarity, particularly in the States - so what if we used something that was much more common in the US, and even less so in other countries? And that's when it hit me - the Body Fat Standard.
Think about it! America is frequently noted as being the most obese nation in the world, especially compared to Europe and China, which are the ones giving us the most economic trouble. If we were to change the standard to body fat, we could reclaim our position as the world's economic leader. There are many advantages to the Body Fat Standard:
So there you have it. All your Ron Paul supporters, I hope you're paying attention - THIS is the solution to America's economic woes.
So lately, there's been a lot of chatter that the subprime mortgage crisis may lead the world economy to move away from a dollar standard toward the decidedly-more cyberpunk Euro or even yuan standards. There's no doubt that the war and massive debts being incurred by our government is deflating the value of a dollar both economically and as valued by other nations.
Many fiscal conservatives argue that this problem is due to the Federal Reserve, which is allowed to print money to maintain the economy; but printing money causes it to be less rare, which leads to inflation and thus devalues all money. They suggest we return to the Gold Standard, which was voted out in favor of fiat currency in the United States over 90 years ago, and with good reason. A gold standard demands that a person can change their money to gold, which ties our economy entirely to our ability as a nation to mine gold. Switching back to this standard would have disastrous limiting effects to our economy, particularly on the international circuit, both because we've sold much of our gold to China already, and because it would likely to cut the individual value of a dollar by 1/10th or more, screwing everyone.
But the idea of having a standard to limit inflation isn't necessarily a bad notion. The problem with the gold standard is gold's rarity, particularly in the States - so what if we used something that was much more common in the US, and even less so in other countries? And that's when it hit me - the Body Fat Standard.
Think about it! America is frequently noted as being the most obese nation in the world, especially compared to Europe and China, which are the ones giving us the most economic trouble. If we were to change the standard to body fat, we could reclaim our position as the world's economic leader. There are many advantages to the Body Fat Standard:
- It's a resource that's readily available - No trouble digging up fat here in the States!
- It restores the old order - as the fattest nation on Earth, Americans will also naturally be the wealthiest.
- It changes the paradigm of the "fat American" on its head - Like the days of the Renaissance, thick men and full figured women will be automatically understood to be better-fed and thus...better...than skinny people (take THAT, Etheopia!).
- It make lazy people produce - Self-employment can be considered sitting around stuffing your face all day.
- It removes the stigma of being overweight - Fat people will no longer have to provide lame excuses for their body weight such as being "big boned" - now, they can just say "I'm an entrepreneur."
So there you have it. All your Ron Paul supporters, I hope you're paying attention - THIS is the solution to America's economic woes.
4 Comments:
Reminds me of the times before 1800 or so when having a fat wife was a sign of prosperity. Issues of inheritance in this situation both gross me out and offer an excellent solution to the fake Social Security problem: people will die earlier.
Hmm... that would put an interesting spin on the term 'fat cat' then, wouldn't it :p
I know you're not being entirely serious about this, but there is a downside to the Body Fat Standard - it would encourage people to gain weight. Instead of seeing news headlines about millionaires being killed when their private airplane crashes, we'll see ones about millionaires crushed under their own expansive bulks.
That said, it would be interesting to see just how crazy things got.
However, remember this is a monetary standard - which means that people need to be able to change dollars for fat. So you end up sucking this stuff out when people want to protect themselves against inflation (literally). That should keep things interesting...
Right, that's it, I'm becoming a plastic surgeon!
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home