3 Decades, Looking Back

Tomorrow, I turn 30, and I'm surprisingly zen about the whole thing. I've seen many of my friends have an 'early-mid-life crisis' as their 30th birthdays loomed, but I've had no such worries. I think that's with good reason - I'm married; I own my own house; I've started two businesses; I've traveled the world; and I have a steady job, a great family, good friends, 3 beautiful nephews and nieces, and nearly everything I really want in life. The only thing I haven't done that I'd thought I'd do by this age is have children, and that doesn't really bother me - Becky's on her way to improving her career which is worth waiting for (at least, for a little while), and I have plenty of kids to dote on the meantime.

I can honestly say that my regrets over the last 3 decades are inconsequential. Sure, I regret being too reserved at times, for not taking risks or making the move on many of the women I really felt strongly for when I was younger, but I got the one that really mattered. I'd always convinced myself that I'd never be able to work a 9-5 job, but I realize doing so has opened a doorway to my making my own satisfaction in the world of work through Crafty Games. I regret being a cheapskate and occassionally selfish towards my family or friends, but in the end my relationship is strong enough with them that no serious damage has been done. I regret that sometimes I allowed myself to become distant to my family back east, but I know that love, as everything else, is a two way street, and I honor and carry those that have passed deep within my heart each day.

I recognize that I'm lucky - lucky because, often, I've done things that put the most valuable things I have in life at risk, but I've not lost them. I love and am loved by many wonderful people. I have been granted opportunities and the talents to successfully capitalize on them. I've had to work hard for the things that I have, but what I have is real and true and undeniably mine. The people that matter the most to me recognize their role in my life, and value my role in theirs. I can see only growth in the future. I have never had to take a step back - just smaller steps forward on occasion. That's really something.

So what do I want out of the next 10 years? I'm not one for setting goals in life, just because I think we all live our lives as best we can, regardless of the result. The one thing I want is kids, and the things they need to grow up happy and healthy. And maybe a larger house and salary :). Beyond kids, though I just want to keep what I have now - my wife, good friends and family, (reasonably) good health, stability and all the things I need to live in comfort, the ability to be creative on my own terms and to steer my own destiny, to some degree.

So, that wasn't quite the wonderful introspection I expected it to be, but then maybe I'm in a good spot because I am introspective as I go. Oh well. When next I post I will be definately older and theoretically wiser. Catch you on the flip.