A Good/Bad Dream

If I've never told you about my dreams before, I can sum them up like this - lucid and stressful. I tend to have dark dreams, where things are going wrong or someone's passed away or I am being threatened, and I am faced with the choice of bearing down on this stress to order to survive. So having what people would define as a "good dream" is pretty rare for me.

Last night, I had a dream that I met my daughter, my first child. My fiancee and I were walking with her in a park and through city streets. She was lovely - a cute little round face, big eyes like her mother, blonde hair in loose ringlets, and an outfit like a little English schoolgirl. She ran through the park and held her mother's hand, and I told her about the places we saw as we walked through the city.

But as we went along, I realized she got bigger each time I looked away and looked back at her. That I couldn't remember her birthday or her first steps. I reached out my hand to her and she looked at it and snuffed before she took it. I said, "C'mon..." and realized I didn't know her name. Becky told me that I didn't know these things because I had been busy. I felt horrid, but my daughter looked up at me like it was O.K. and we went to the swings. I realized that I didn't already have kids, but that this was the future. Then I woke up.

I know what this is about, and what I need to do to fix it. For years I've been "busy" all the time for family, and in the last few months I've realized what I need to do about that. Believe it or not, Crafty Games is one way I will achieve that. Because I can't afford to miss my life or loved ones anymore for work. So in a way, it was educational - I just hope my path sets me up to acheive what I need.